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Call: (914) 499-0631
Call: (914) 499-0631
Most couples fight about money. Parenting. Sex. Chores. Who forgot what.But here's what 40 years of research shows: the topic doesn't matter. The pattern does.
And if the pattern is wrong, it doesn't matter how many date nights you go on, how many books you read, or how many times you promise to "communicate better."
Nothing changes.
That's not a communication problem. That's a pattern problem. And patterns can be broken—but only when you know what's actually driving them.
Couples
Years Specializing in Trauma
Licensed in 14 States + DC
Most therapy says: "Use 'I feel' statements." "Listen to understand, not to respond." "Take breaks when you're heated."
Good advice — and genuinely helpful in the right conditions. But when your nervous system is in threat mode, no communication skill lands the way it should.
Because here's what's actually happening when you fight:
You can't use skills you haven't practiced when you're flooded. That's why generic advice fails. It teaches you what to do. It doesn't rewire how your body responds.
One partner feels emotionally abandoned. Their "protests"—criticism, accusations, pursuit—are actually cries for connection. The other, overwhelmed, withdraws to self-protect. That signals abandonment, which intensifies the protest.
The demand–withdraw cycle. It feeds itself.
When conflict escalates, your heart rate spikes above 100 BPM. At that point, the brain's prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for empathy, listening, problem-solving—literally goes offline.
You are physiologically incapable of a productive conversation when flooded.
If you grew up in a home with unpredictable anger, silence, or emotional unavailability, your nervous system learned conflict=danger. That wiring doesn't disappear in adulthood.
You are not overreacting. What you're experiencing has a name — and it responds to the right treatment.
Unresolved conflicts don't disappear—they stack. Each new fight carries the weight of every fight before it. And the stress you absorb at work doesn't stay at work. The first person you see after a brutal day becomes the target.
Not sure if your story fits? Let's talk through it.
No guesswork. No indefinite processing. Every session has a clear purpose — and you'll know what you're working toward before you leave.
We assess your relationship using Gottman's research tools. You see exactly what's happening—and why
We practice new skills in session—so they're automatic before the next real fight. Not theory. Practice.
Once the conflict cycle breaks, we rebuild what got buried under years of fighting: friendship, trust, intimacy.
You don't need to list every grievance. We identify the cycle you're stuck in. Most couples have one or two core patterns driving 90% of their conflicts.
You practice real conversations — with me watching, pausing, and redirecting. You learn what healthy conflict actually feels like before you try it at home.
Softened startup. Effective repair attempts. Self-soothing that works. Accepting influence. These are concrete skills — not abstract concepts.
High-conflict erodes friendship, trust, and intimacy. Once you stop fighting like enemies, we rebuild the parts of your relationship the fighting buried.
I'm Dr. Cammy—trauma therapist, Gottman-certified couples specialist, and bestselling author. I've helped 1,000+ couples navigate their most painful moments and find their way back to each other.
Today I bring both clinical depth and genuine humanity to this work.
If you have a question that isn’t covered here, feel free to Contact Us directly.
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I'm Dr. Cammy. I started Bliss in Being after more than a decade of helping couples and individuals navigate trauma, PTSD, and the painful moments that can reshape a relationship. This work is personal to me—and I bring that to every session
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